Airbnb Support: Kafka Meets 2001’s HAL 9000

Fictitious conversation between two Airbnb upper management staff. Disclaimer: This conversation has no relationship to anyone or any company, living or dead.

UM Staff 1: Hey, I’ve got a great idea for saving money!

UMS 2: Yeah?

UMS 1: We just set up a support team that basically blocks customers from causing us hassle and money.

UMS 2: Ok… but won’t there be problems?

UMS 1: No, no… you see, we keep the customer absolutely powerless. Sure they will get frustrated and suicidal and their finances will go down the toilet, but they will have no way to get past the wall that we set up, so they will never be heard. That way we can keep the commission low on the vast majority of hosts, the vast minority will sing our praises, and the minority who complain will be drowned out. Even if the customer threatens legal proceedings we can cover it from the vast amount of money we are raking in. The complaining customer will never be able to compete.

UMS 2: Hmm, sounds a little risky.

UMS 1: No, see I’ve read Kafka; you just basically gaslight the single customer, suggest their reality (fairness, morality, responsibility) is completely wrong. As for the people who have to actually interface with the… ‘customer’ we set up the HAL scenario.

UMS 2: What’s that?

UMS 1: Well just get the support staff to repeat ‘Siri-like’ computer generated phrases like “we have a team working on it 24/7” and use passive statements like “it has been reported to a team (that I cannot tell you the name of).”

UMS 2: Beautiful. Let’s do it!

I was delisted on June 3rd (wrongly). I can’t enter the details of my license (first attempt June 11th) into their network (computer error they say). I have been given the runaround ever since, with the last ‘senior customer service staff’ member being the least helpful. No surprise there. I am exhausted, beyond frustrated, angry, and depressed.